Insurance Policy Decoder Gifts

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

"Your insurance just called. They don't cover 'having a bad day.'"

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

"What you have is very expensive to treat. Would you like me to diagnose you with something affordable?"

'Boy! The cost of health care is going up, up, up...'

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

"With this policy, at the age of 12, he receives 10 marrow bones a month."

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

'Wait. . . wouldn't the Golden Harp be covered under the giant's homeowner's insurance?'

'Just as I thought...you can't collect on the life insurance by boring me to death.'

"I'm prepared to cover any out-of-pocket costs, Dr. Williter."

"The doctor recommends payment in advance. A person in your condition doesn't need to be worried about bills."

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"No I'm afraid your health insurance doesn't cover this."

"His blood work doesn’t look half as bad as his HMO."

"Well, you helped me with my initial health issue, but now I've got headaches from dealing with billing and insurance!"

"Why carry malpractice insurance if you don't malpractice once in a while?"

"Thank God we're insured"

"Robyn Dixon got remarried!!!"

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'It says take all this medication - if you can afford it.'

'These pamphlets will explain the procedure and these leaflets will explain the pamphlets.'

"Of course it's hard to understand. They wouldn't be billing 'codes' , if they were easy to decipher."

Marooned Optometrist

"Absolute bummer of a day. . . have you ever tried getting life insurance when you're supposed to be extinct?"

'Before we start, let me tell you why I have to overcharge you.'

'Our insurance company doesn't cover saucer theft if it's left unlocked, so lock it even through this seems like a safe neighborhood.'

'Which is worse - no pre-existing condition coverage. . . or no health insurance?'

Insurance Co. Your right leg? Oh, dear, that's unfortunate.

'My Insurance won't pay for an MRI.'

'Is this gonna raise my premium?'

"If we could decipher their language we'd have a clue to their intelligence levels."

'The operation turned out better than I expected. Your insurance paid for everything.'