Insurance Analyzer Gifts

"Is there a doctor in the house...preferably in-network?"

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

"These insurance papers you gave us are for an '86 Buick."

'This charge is for the office visit, this charge is for blood work, and this charge just about pays off the doc's school loan.'

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'Yes,I do have a question.. What kind of dental plan do you have?'

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

Uncle Mort's Storytime. Billy the pachyderm was a nice guy who got a sticker stuck in his thigh. Restrooms. Went he for help to his mouse friend Fred … I'll take our yer sticker, Dr Fred said. Just one question before I advance. Who do you have for your insurance? I am not covered, poor Billy cried. So, limp Billy did 'till the day he died. Waaaaaah!

"Well, certainly his claim seems justified , but if we paid off every justified claim what kind of insurance company would we be?"

'One more thing - find out if the new Securities and Exchange Commission head grants group amnesty.'

Medicaid Expansion: "Better not take the risk, you never know when the well's going to run dry..."

"Your disgust over ballooning healthcare costs is just a natural part of the aging process."

"He's had several billing procedures named after him."

'It's simple. First we look at the upside. Then we look at the downside. Then we look at the upside-down side.'

44.3 million Americans without health insurance.

"Everyone who's unhappy with their health system is here."

"Imagine an accident at 60mph..." "It would be like being hit by a 60 ton elephant."

'I think I may be an adrenaline junkie.'

'Now for the eye test, can you read my bill?'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'I think I had an out-of-network experience while I was under.'

"It's not a coupons. It's a printout from your health insurer warning you to cut back on the carbs."

"Yes, the treatment is very effective, especially for those who can afford it."

"Relax. I'm not here to administer last rites, but to help you pray your insurance will cover all!"

'There's really no need for confusion with this Medicare stuff. Page 95, section 33, paragraph L in the instructions quite clearly says ... '

"Your insurance has run out. We're discharging you from the 'Observation Care' floor to the 'Who Cares?' room in the basement."

'Give it to me straight, doc. If I outlive medicare, will I have to flee Canada?'

'We've had our new simplified gas bill!'

'We're going to need a specialist. To help fill in the insurance form.'

'The bad news is, during open enrollment we get to choose between our uncaring, inconvenient plan or another one that's just as bad or worse.'

'Sweet! Money to pay my health insurance premium!'