Insurance Analyzer Prints

"Is there a doctor in the house...preferably in-network?"

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

"These insurance papers you gave us are for an '86 Buick."

'This charge is for the office visit, this charge is for blood work, and this charge just about pays off the doc's school loan.'

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'Yes,I do have a question.. What kind of dental plan do you have?'

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

"Well, certainly his claim seems justified , but if we paid off every justified claim what kind of insurance company would we be?"

'One more thing - find out if the new Securities and Exchange Commission head grants group amnesty.'

"He's had several billing procedures named after him."

Medicaid Expansion: "Better not take the risk, you never know when the well's going to run dry..."

'It's simple. First we look at the upside. Then we look at the downside. Then we look at the upside-down side.'

"Everyone who's unhappy with their health system is here."

44.3 million Americans without health insurance.

'Now for the eye test, can you read my bill?'

"Imagine an accident at 60mph..." "It would be like being hit by a 60 ton elephant."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"It's not a coupons. It's a printout from your health insurer warning you to cut back on the carbs."

'I think I had an out-of-network experience while I was under.'

"Relax. I'm not here to administer last rites, but to help you pray your insurance will cover all!"

'There's really no need for confusion with this Medicare stuff. Page 95, section 33, paragraph L in the instructions quite clearly says ... '

"Your insurance has run out. We're discharging you from the 'Observation Care' floor to the 'Who Cares?' room in the basement."

'Give it to me straight, doc. If I outlive medicare, will I have to flee Canada?'

'We've had our new simplified gas bill!'

'We're going to need a specialist. To help fill in the insurance form.'

'The bad news is, during open enrollment we get to choose between our uncaring, inconvenient plan or another one that's just as bad or worse.'

"Yes, it is a very large bill. Unfortunately, the doctor who gave you a second opinion charges ten times what I do."