Insurance Policy Explorer Prints

'The operation turned out better than I expected. Your insurance paid for everything.'

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"Your insurance just called. They don't cover 'having a bad day.'"

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

'Do you have your insurance information on you?'

'There, we're up and running! Let the logging in begin. . .'

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

"What you have is very expensive to treat. Would you like me to diagnose you with something affordable?"

'Yes,I do have a question.. What kind of dental plan do you have?'

"According to the insurance company, you don't have a leg to stand on."

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

'Just as I thought...you can't collect on the life insurance by boring me to death.'

"I'm prepared to cover any out-of-pocket costs, Dr. Williter."

"He's had several billing procedures named after him."

"His blood work doesn’t look half as bad as his HMO."

Medicaid Expansion: "Better not take the risk, you never know when the well's going to run dry..."

"The doctor recommends payment in advance. A person in your condition doesn't need to be worried about bills."

"The good news is your husband is covered by insurance....The bad news is he suffered a mental breakdown from the registration process."

"I want to climb up mountains without a rope, jump down waterfalls and run through a swamp barefooted to film crocodiles. That's why I need travel insurance - I'm a scaredy-cat."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

'There's really no need for confusion with this Medicare stuff. Page 95, section 33, paragraph L in the instructions quite clearly says ... '

'We're going to need a specialist. To help fill in the insurance form.'

'That takes care of health, life, homeowner's, and car -- now, how about some alien abduction insurance?'

'The bad news is, during open enrollment we get to choose between our uncaring, inconvenient plan or another one that's just as bad or worse.'

'Which is worse - no pre-existing condition coverage. . . or no health insurance?'

"Yes, it is a very large bill. Unfortunately, the doctor who gave you a second opinion charges ten times what I do."

"He gave me a complete checkup form head to wallet."

"So, as you can see, health care is so complicated you may never get well."

'My Insurance won't pay for an MRI.'

"Don't worry. Insurance should cover it."

'Is this gonna raise my premium?'

"How are you fixed for group insurance?"