Insurance Scrutinizers Gifts

Gregor wakes from anxious dreams to find that his medication is somehow more expensive with insurance.

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MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"Be afraid my friends...if the government takes over your healthcare, you're going to be left with nothing!"

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

"These insurance papers you gave us are for an '86 Buick."

'You mean that if one of us came to a sticky end I would receive a hundred thousand?'

'I'm sorry Bill, but some things in medicine we doctors just can't explain...like insurance forms.'

HOLY LAND INSURANCE CO. , 'Darn you, Methuselah! -- You've completely

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"No, I didn't say, 'health'. I said I'm concerned about your wealth... Can you afford to pay my bill?"

"I'm not here to take away your guns—I'm here to sell you some overpriced insurance."

'This charge is for the office visit, this charge is for blood work, and this charge just about pays off the doc's school loan.'

Here's my dental insurance card. Sorry. Twig had a visit within the last 6 months. This one's not covered. That was a check-up. This is an emergency. How about Twig's chipped tooth? Your policy doesn't cover cosmetic problems. Now I get it! My insurance is cosmetic. Have a nice day!

'Yes,I do have a question.. What kind of dental plan do you have?'

'Your coverages suggest it will spread rapidly to your wallet.'

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

'What do I do now? -- the company I buy my malpractice insurance from is being sued for malpractice!'

"The only psychological treatment covered by your insurance is to cry into this teddy bear."

Uncle Mort's Storytime. Billy the pachyderm was a nice guy who got a sticker stuck in his thigh. Restrooms. Went he for help to his mouse friend Fred … I'll take our yer sticker, Dr Fred said. Just one question before I advance. Who do you have for your insurance? I am not covered, poor Billy cried. So, limp Billy did 'till the day he died. Waaaaaah!

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

"With this policy, at the age of 12, he receives 10 marrow bones a month."

Where HMO's are headed