Insurance Inquisitors Gifts

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

"How much will the insurance pay out if one of us breaks his leg?"

Archival Warfare

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

"These insurance papers you gave us are for an '86 Buick."

'The fact that the expenses process is complicated confusing and bureaucratic isn't an Aberration.'

'Yes,I do have a question.. What kind of dental plan do you have?'

"According to the insurance company, you don't have a leg to stand on."

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

"Well, certainly his claim seems justified , but if we paid off every justified claim what kind of insurance company would we be?"

'From January to May, I work for the government to pay for my income tax and from May to October to pay for my malpractice insurance.'

"Quick! Am I the Independent Counsel or the Special Prosecutor?"

"The doctor recommends payment in advance. A person in your condition doesn't need to be worried about bills."

Medicaid Expansion: "Better not take the risk, you never know when the well's going to run dry..."

"He's had several billing procedures named after him."

"Sorry, I don't need Life Insurance. Do you mind if I ask who does your marketing research?"

"Your disgust over ballooning healthcare costs is just a natural part of the aging process."

'You took out a policy with us Tuesday morning and had a fire Tuesday afternoon...What was the delay?'

'It says take all this medication - if you can afford it.'

"It's not a coupons. It's a printout from your health insurer warning you to cut back on the carbs."

'There's really no need for confusion with this Medicare stuff. Page 95, section 33, paragraph L in the instructions quite clearly says ... '

'Do you really think that will protect your intellectual properties?'

'We're going to need a specialist. To help fill in the insurance form.'

'The bad news is, during open enrollment we get to choose between our uncaring, inconvenient plan or another one that's just as bad or worse.'

White Collar Crime.

"Yes, it is a very large bill. Unfortunately, the doctor who gave you a second opinion charges ten times what I do."

Insurance Co. Your right leg? Oh, dear, that's unfortunate.

'I understand you cover the deductible?'

Mrs. Cohen you've got some spots on your larynx. What is it, doctor? Oh, good news. I'm not a doctor. Just a nurse. Good news. Under your plan, if you're seeing a doctor, it's already too late. @#$! HMO!

"I'm sorry, you're not covered for acts of god."

"Doctor, could you prescribe something that will help me figure out my part D drug coverage?"

"I said, it's the only hearing-aid covered by your insurance."

"How are you fixed for group insurance?"

"Please press the button for service according to severity of condition."