Insurance Industry Analyst Gifts

'Of course I'm still sick! I couldn't afford the ounce of prevention, let alone the pound of cure.'

Terrorism leaves Iraq and moves on to new places.

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

Healthy Patients Only

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

Who blames who in health Insurance problems

"These insurance papers you gave us are for an '86 Buick."

'This charge is for the office visit, this charge is for blood work, and this charge just about pays off the doc's school loan.'

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

'Due to cutbacks on your insurance plan, your visits to Dr. Phil are no longer covered. You'll have to start seeing Physician's Assistant Phil.'

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

"Your health is so good, I'm going to recommend your insurance company pay you for the privilege of coverage."

"There's been a medical breakthrough that can help your condition. Unfortunately, you need an insurance breakthrough."

Where HMO's are headed

"At this point we're no longer testing you. We're testing your insurance."

'I'm sorry, but your surgery is considered to be experimental, so it's not covered by your insurance.'

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'An ounce of prevention was worth a pound of cure, but that was before Medicare.'

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

"Well, certainly his claim seems justified , but if we paid off every justified claim what kind of insurance company would we be?"

Sacking a unprofitable patient

"So many acquisitions lately ... should we be worried?"

The insurance giants do battle, ironically costing their own companies billions of dollars in claims,

Medicaid Expansion: "Better not take the risk, you never know when the well's going to run dry..."

"We're phasing out Russian oil."

Venezuela, Saudi Arabia, Russia and Qatar agree to freeze oil production