Insurance Industry Insider Gifts

'I'm sorry, but your surgery is considered to be experimental, so it's not covered by your insurance.'

Leon's Discount Health Insurance . . .

Hold on now boys. I'll shoot only if he's selling insurance!

"Before I can recommend surgery, I have to find out what your net worth is."

Your cover excludes anything you can claim fo

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

Healthy Patients Only

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

"Be afraid my friends...if the government takes over your healthcare, you're going to be left with nothing!"

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

'You mean that if one of us came to a sticky end I would receive a hundred thousand?'

'I'm sorry Bill, but some things in medicine we doctors just can't explain...like insurance forms.'

HOLY LAND INSURANCE CO. , 'Darn you, Methuselah! -- You've completely

'Due to cutbacks on your insurance plan, your visits to Dr. Phil are no longer covered. You'll have to start seeing Physician's Assistant Phil.'

"No, I didn't say, 'health'. I said I'm concerned about your wealth... Can you afford to pay my bill?"

"I'm not here to take away your guns—I'm here to sell you some overpriced insurance."

'This charge is for the office visit, this charge is for blood work, and this charge just about pays off the doc's school loan.'

Here's my dental insurance card. Sorry. Twig had a visit within the last 6 months. This one's not covered. That was a check-up. This is an emergency. How about Twig's chipped tooth? Your policy doesn't cover cosmetic problems. Now I get it! My insurance is cosmetic. Have a nice day!

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?

Reducing Health care costs with health and fitness programs

'Your coverages suggest it will spread rapidly to your wallet.'

"Your health is so good, I'm going to recommend your insurance company pay you for the privilege of coverage."

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

Insurance company agreeing workers' compensation policy in a demolition company.

"As I suspected, there's nothing wrong with you. But I'd like to keep ordering tests till something turns up."

Where HMO's are headed