Insurance Industry Irony Lover Gifts

'Do you drive a car, van or motorcycle?'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

My, grandma, what a big premium you have for a plan that doesn't cover getting eaten by a wolf.

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

'Must have had bad weather at the Artist's Colony. All the claims start with 'It was a dark and stormy night.''

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

'Of course, one advantage to lethal injection is that Medicaid might pay for it.'

"I really do think I could be an anarchist, but my insurance won't cover that."

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

"It says our homeowners insurance policy is subject to the following forms and endorsements..."

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

'Sorry, sir, but your health insurance doesn't cover a real doctor. I'm a struggling actor who plays one.'

"Have you noticed, our insurance policy has expired?"

"You're doing fine, and we're cautiously optimistic about your insurance."

'I have some bad news. Your health plan doesn't cover bandages.'

'I'm sorry, Buchanan, our company health plan remains in effect only if you don't get sick.'

We were asked to pay out for a fire started when a dog urinated on a Christmas tree.

'Oh, sure, the whole nine lives thing is great until the life insurance premiums come due.'

'Don't worry. This will hurt your insurance company more than it will hurt you.'

'Looks like another cancellation notice on our car insurance...'

'There's good news and there's bad news. The bad news is that you're very ill, and the bad news is that your medical insurance has expired... Oh I'm sorry, did I say there was good news?'

"I'm afraid our healthcare plan only covers the first five litters."

'Your latest test results indicate you should accelerate your payments to us.'

Larry knew how to close a sale.

"This group medical plan leaves a lot to be desired."