Insurance Irony Admirer Gifts

'Oh, sure, the whole nine lives thing is great until the life insurance premiums come due.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

My, grandma, what a big premium you have for a plan that doesn't cover getting eaten by a wolf.

'As long as the gov't has a printing press, all deposits federally insured.'

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'Must have had bad weather at the Artist's Colony. All the claims start with 'It was a dark and stormy night.''

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

'Of course, one advantage to lethal injection is that Medicaid might pay for it.'

"It says our homeowners insurance policy is subject to the following forms and endorsements..."

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

We were asked to pay out for a fire started when a dog urinated on a Christmas tree.

'Sorry, sir, but your health insurance doesn't cover a real doctor. I'm a struggling actor who plays one.'

'I'm sorry, Buchanan, our company health plan remains in effect only if you don't get sick.'

'I have some bad news. Your health plan doesn't cover bandages.'

"I have eternal life? Does that mean I can cancel my life insurance policy?"

"You're doing fine, and we're cautiously optimistic about your insurance."

Insurance agents in Heaven.

'I'm sorry, but when you took out the policy, you never specified that it was a mobile home.'

'Looks like another cancellation notice on our car insurance...'

'Your latest test results indicate you should accelerate your payments to us.'

Larry knew how to close a sale.

'There's good news and there's bad news. The bad news is that you're very ill, and the bad news is that your medical insurance has expired... Oh I'm sorry, did I say there was good news?'

"I'm afraid our healthcare plan only covers the first five litters."

'They're using honey to draw us out! Fortunately, they underestimate our willpower.'

Yeah, your rates are very good, but your ads on TV just aren't funny enough