Insurance Satire Lover Gifts

'Your Health Insurance doesn't cover taking socks off.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'Must have had bad weather at the Artist's Colony. All the claims start with 'It was a dark and stormy night.''

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

'Of course, one advantage to lethal injection is that Medicaid might pay for it.'

"I really do think I could be an anarchist, but my insurance won't cover that."

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

Slipping Insurance $5.

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

'Sorry, sir, but your health insurance doesn't cover a real doctor. I'm a struggling actor who plays one.'

'I have some bad news. Your health plan doesn't cover bandages.'

"No, its not a pre-existing condition."

'I'm sorry, Buchanan, our company health plan remains in effect only if you don't get sick.'

"Have you noticed, our insurance policy has expired?"

"You're doing fine, and we're cautiously optimistic about your insurance."

"I have eternal life? Does that mean I can cancel my life insurance policy?"

We were asked to pay out for a fire started when a dog urinated on a Christmas tree.

Insurance agents in Heaven.

'Oh, sure, the whole nine lives thing is great until the life insurance premiums come due.'

'I'm sorry, but when you took out the policy, you never specified that it was a mobile home.'