Insurance Satire Lover Gifts

'Your Health Insurance doesn't cover taking socks off.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

My, grandma, what a big premium you have for a plan that doesn't cover getting eaten by a wolf.

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'Must have had bad weather at the Artist's Colony. All the claims start with 'It was a dark and stormy night.''

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

"I really do think I could be an anarchist, but my insurance won't cover that."

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

'Of course, one advantage to lethal injection is that Medicaid might pay for it.'

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

Slipping Insurance $5.

We were asked to pay out for a fire started when a dog urinated on a Christmas tree.

"You're doing fine, and we're cautiously optimistic about your insurance."

'Sorry, sir, but your health insurance doesn't cover a real doctor. I'm a struggling actor who plays one.'

'I'm sorry, Buchanan, our company health plan remains in effect only if you don't get sick.'

"No, its not a pre-existing condition."

'I have some bad news. Your health plan doesn't cover bandages.'

"Have you noticed, our insurance policy has expired?"

"I have eternal life? Does that mean I can cancel my life insurance policy?"

Insurance agents in Heaven.

'Oh, sure, the whole nine lives thing is great until the life insurance premiums come due.'