Insurance Satirists Gifts

'And for insurance purposes...is this a pre-existing condition?'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

My, grandma, what a big premium you have for a plan that doesn't cover getting eaten by a wolf.

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

'Must have had bad weather at the Artist's Colony. All the claims start with 'It was a dark and stormy night.''

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

So...who is your provider ?

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

"Apparently, all the King's horses and all the King's men were out of Humpty's healthcare provider network."

"Under our health care plan, you get low premiums, a low deductible and a free, yearly probe."

"Is this Bart from Country Farm? This is Dan the Unrideable. Yep, happened again. "

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

"It says our homeowners insurance policy is subject to the following forms and endorsements..."

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

"Can I interest you in nine life policies?"

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

Slipping Insurance $5.

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

'Hello, I'm selling life insurance. Tell me, sir, are you covered?'

'Sorry, sir, but your health insurance doesn't cover a real doctor. I'm a struggling actor who plays one.'

'I have some bad news. Your health plan doesn't cover bandages.'

We were asked to pay out for a fire started when a dog urinated on a Christmas tree.

'I'm sorry, Buchanan, our company health plan remains in effect only if you don't get sick.'

"I was really hoping we wouldn't have to get insurance involved."