Insurance Satirists Gifts

'And for insurance purposes...is this a pre-existing condition?'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

So...who is your provider ?

'Must have had bad weather at the Artist's Colony. All the claims start with 'It was a dark and stormy night.''

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

"Under our health care plan, you get low premiums, a low deductible and a free, yearly probe."

"Is this Bart from Country Farm? This is Dan the Unrideable. Yep, happened again. "

"It says our homeowners insurance policy is subject to the following forms and endorsements..."

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

"Can I interest you in nine life policies?"

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

Slipping Insurance $5.

"Have you noticed, our insurance policy has expired?"

'Sorry, sir, but your health insurance doesn't cover a real doctor. I'm a struggling actor who plays one.'

'I'm sorry, Buchanan, our company health plan remains in effect only if you don't get sick.'

'I have some bad news. Your health plan doesn't cover bandages.'

'Hello, I'm selling life insurance. Tell me, sir, are you covered?'

"I was really hoping we wouldn't have to get insurance involved."

"I have eternal life? Does that mean I can cancel my life insurance policy?"

We were asked to pay out for a fire started when a dog urinated on a Christmas tree.