Insurance Jokesters Gifts

'Looks like your insurance does not cover pre-existing organs.'

"Have you considered insurance, rego, third party, tolls, resale..."

"I'm not sure if this is good or bad. . . he's allergic to H.M.O.'s!"

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

So...who is your provider ?

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

'Which health plan are you on?'

"Under our health care plan, you get low premiums, a low deductible and a free, yearly probe."

"Is this Bart from Country Farm? This is Dan the Unrideable. Yep, happened again. "

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

"I really do think I could be an anarchist, but my insurance won't cover that."

"It says our homeowners insurance policy is subject to the following forms and endorsements..."

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

"Can I interest you in nine life policies?"

'Give it to me straight, doc...what are my chances of making it until the drug benefit kicks in?'

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

Slipping Insurance $5.

'Sorry, sir, but your health insurance doesn't cover a real doctor. I'm a struggling actor who plays one.'

'I have some bad news. Your health plan doesn't cover bandages.'

'Hello, I'm selling life insurance. Tell me, sir, are you covered?'

"I have eternal life? Does that mean I can cancel my life insurance policy?"