Insurance Joke Appreciators Gifts

"It says our homeowners insurance policy is subject to the following forms and endorsements..."

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'In sickness and in health? I'll need to run that by my HMO...'

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

"I really do think I could be an anarchist, but my insurance won't cover that."

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

Slipping Insurance $5.

"Have you noticed, our insurance policy has expired?"

"I have eternal life? Does that mean I can cancel my life insurance policy?"

Insurance agents in Heaven.

'I'm sorry, but when you took out the policy, you never specified that it was a mobile home.'

'Don't worry. This will hurt your insurance company more than it will hurt you.'

'The health plan will cover you and up to three dwarves.'

Yeah, your rates are very good, but your ads on TV just aren't funny enough

Larry knew how to close a sale.

"I'm afraid our healthcare plan only covers the first five litters."

'Looks like your insurance does not cover pre-existing organs.'

"There is a cat in this basket and I want to take out baggage insurance that will insure that it gets forwarded to some godforsaken place in the middle of nowhere!"

"And that plan covers Acts of God, right?"

"I'm not sure if this is good or bad. . . he's allergic to H.M.O.'s!"

"Have you considered insurance, rego, third party, tolls, resale..."

Wonderland Hospital. To Patient Rooms. Nurse. Go wake up Rip Van Winkle -- His HMO finally authorized his treatment.

"You've got something very rare. Good health insurance."

'I'm afraid your late wife's life insurance policy didn't cover culinary disasters.'

"Frankly, our dental plan bites."

'Your insurance only covers a semi-private room.'

'According to this, the only drug your HMO covers is aspirin, and it has to be generic.'

'Whole life will cover all 9 lives. The term policy will only cover you for lives lost during the term.'