Insurance Jokester Gifts

"Do you want life insurance, or mobile home insurance?"

"Frankly, our dental plan bites."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

My, grandma, what a big premium you have for a plan that doesn't cover getting eaten by a wolf.

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

Pharmaco. He writes drug side effect warnings. Ah, a health scare provider.

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

"Next time you give CPR try not to use your tongue."

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'I don't need a bed pan, but an oil pan would be nice.'

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

'No! Not the second pair of gloves...'

So...who is your provider ?

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

"I just KNEW something like this would happen when I switched health plans. The old plan let me pick my own doctors!"

"Apparently, all the King's horses and all the King's men were out of Humpty's healthcare provider network."

'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

"Under our health care plan, you get low premiums, a low deductible and a free, yearly probe."

"Is this Bart from Country Farm? This is Dan the Unrideable. Yep, happened again. "

"I really do think I could be an anarchist, but my insurance won't cover that."