Medical Insurance Satirist Gifts

So I said to him, sure, I'd love to fight you in the parking lot, but unfortunately that's not covered by my medical insurance'.

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Virtual Doctor

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Healthcare workers come to the N.H.S. Fancy dress party dressed as viruses.

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.