Insurance Irony Seeker Gifts

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Artisan hot dog stand has pigs tethered to it.

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

The Red Carpet

'My horoscope said I would be taking a long trip today.'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

Eurydice in prison

"They say it's the last of the really big cattle drives, and I'm just glad I'm here to see it."

'As long as the gov't has a printing press, all deposits federally insured.'

"The average citizen doesn't have a clue - or why would we keep getting re-elected?"

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

'A late payment and a friendly reminder cross paths in the mail.'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'We need to panic until common sense returns.'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

"Beware of dog"

Lost and found - 'Can you desribe it?' (Queen being asked having lost her crown).

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"I always said I'd sleep when I'm dead, and yet here I am doing paperwork."

Local anaesthetic.