Insurance Irony Explorer Gifts

"You sold me accident insurance, but I just had an accident! I want my money back!"

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

"Call me!"

'I fell off the wagon, again... meat wagon that is.'

'As long as the gov't has a printing press, all deposits federally insured.'

'Yes,I do have a question.. What kind of dental plan do you have?'

"If it makes any difference, it's a remarkable piece of plagiarism."

"...it was a bad idea getting them a kitten."

"I love these quiet evenings at home battling alcoholism."

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

'The Pope has decided to issue another apology for not issuing an apology.'

Medicaid Expansion: "Better not take the risk, you never know when the well's going to run dry..."

Don't give up - Surrender.

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

"He's had several billing procedures named after him."

"...I'd like a mass of opiates please."

"You're operation went smoothly, but we're very concerned about some post-surgical insurance complications."

"Congratulations...your cholesterol is lower than your copay."

'I'm going to be a lot more decisive from now on. Well... maybe not a lot more, but at least a little more.'

'Ever think that if you make another billion you'll be happy, and then you do, but you're not?'

"Do you ever worry about the growing gap between the sane and you?"

My doctor advised me to start walking more.

"Oh, he enraged at spotting yet another reference to 'Pot and Kettle' in a reader's letter."

'Of course, one advantage to lethal injection is that Medicaid might pay for it.'

'Now you know why they call it cowHIDE.'

Said Cohen? Who's askin? Someone who is about to make your dreams come true. Why? Are you gonna let me yell at you until you bleed? Caustic. Quick-witted just as Facebook led me to believe. What the heck are you talking about?!?! Nothing. Ready to experience pure joy? I'm ready to attack!!

'There's really no need for confusion with this Medicare stuff. Page 95, section 33, paragraph L in the instructions quite clearly says ... '

Insurance claim on Grandma

'We're going to need a specialist. To help fill in the insurance form.'

'The bad news is, during open enrollment we get to choose between our uncaring, inconvenient plan or another one that's just as bad or worse.'

Blindman's blind guide dog with its own guide animal

'Well, that'll be an expensive bit of fun, buddy!'

Biggest selling fly cereal on the market.

"Oh, go on. Let them have a go at shooting the cigarette out of your mouth... I mean, it's not like it'll matter if they miss and accidentally hit you."

"Yes, it is a very large bill. Unfortunately, the doctor who gave you a second opinion charges ten times what I do."