Pharma Insider Gifts

'I've decided to recall our latest drug because of one side effect - law suits.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Supermarket Merge

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

"Son, you're old enough now to learn about something we call 'compliance'...."

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

The start of a clinical drug trial. Your honor, we will prove beyond a reasonable doubt this pill is both safe and effective.

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?

"My lawyer doesn't trust my agent who doesn't trust the director who doesn't trust the screenwriter who doesn't trust me. All perfectly normal."

'Due to cutbacks on your insurance plan, your visits to Dr. Phil are no longer covered. You'll have to start seeing Physician's Assistant Phil.'

'The global economy supplies basic tools. A lot of us get the axe.'

"Today big pharma stocks rose on news 'down' is a state of mind that can be treated by pharmaceuticals."

'I see the rebranded mobile methadone project got underway.'

'The music business.'

"Do we wait for it to be approved as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as furniture polish?"

"Your health is so good, I'm going to recommend your insurance company pay you for the privilege of coverage."

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

'We've decided to call off our go-slow.'

'Here are our hot new drugs for fall.'

"You know how to whistle don't you Steve, you just put your lips together and blow. . . but I wouldn't recommend it."

"There's been a medical breakthrough that can help your condition. Unfortunately, you need an insurance breakthrough."

"Surprisingly, it's not in reverse order."

"As I suspected, there's nothing wrong with you. But I'd like to keep ordering tests till something turns up."

"When I was young, music and lyrics were important! Now it's all about production...it's all jiggly butts, smoke, sexy clothes and crazy videos!"

'I'm sorry, but your surgery is considered to be experimental, so it's not covered by your insurance.'

The Unbearableness of Being Inanimate

"Great work on the annual report, John. It's fact-driven, yet delightfully unencumbered by reality!"

'An ounce of prevention was worth a pound of cure, but that was before Medicare.'

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

'True rupture is rare. Ladies' breasts are most commonly bursting simply with admiration for me and my skills.'

"Manufacturing will take place in China, R&D in Korea, customer support will be run from Mumbai and logistics handled in Vietnam."