Health Industry Insider Gifts

Health Foods

'I think it's time for me to get out of heath foods...'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

'Brain surgery? I have an app for that!'

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

"I'm starting up a concierge medicine practice. You in?"

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?

"If you keep perfectly still, I can do all five cavities at once."

'That was quick!'

Just Browsing.

"Do we wait for it to be approved as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as furniture polish?"

"But Doctor - will the government pay for Ferris Buelleritis?"

"Instead of burying it, invest in pharmaceuticals."

"As I suspected, there's nothing wrong with you. But I'd like to keep ordering tests till something turns up."

'True rupture is rare. Ladies' breasts are most commonly bursting simply with admiration for me and my skills.'

"We've been so consolidated the last few years our logo is a mishmash of a bit of everything."

'Sorry, we're shorthanded - please pass over the scalpel...'

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

'Isn't it neat? The doctors rigged it up so Don can still play golf!'

"It's little Pharma. Want some baby aspirin?"

'I've decided to recall our latest drug because of one side effect - law suits.'

"My physician prescribed a customized formulation for me."

'Here's my DNA sequence.'

Still Stuck in Phase I of Meaningful Use...

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

"I'm glad you've been able to find new hires, but that's not what I meant when I said that we have a radiologist shortage to deal with."

A scared man who is about to have surgery performed by a robot.

'This is Hugh from PrivateMeds Inc. he's looking around the hospital...'

'And in today's health market - coffee is up, fats are mixed, and sugar continues its downward slide.'

Global Medical Antidepressant Sales

"See, son? Daddy's company makes inhalers to help people with asthma."