Healthcare Industry Insider Gifts

"Never mind doctor, someone's bound to fall ill soon."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

'Brain surgery? I have an app for that!'

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

"They used to call them G.P.s."

"If you keep perfectly still, I can do all five cavities at once."

"I'm starting up a concierge medicine practice. You in?"

'That was quick!'

Just Browsing.

'I'm sorry, but your surgery is considered to be experimental, so it's not covered by your insurance.'

"We at MEGAPHARMA are 100% behind the benefits of 'talking therapies' which is why we've developed MEGAZYMOLIN to enhance the experience..."

"Instead of burying it, invest in pharmaceuticals."

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

'Sorry, we're shorthanded - please pass over the scalpel...'

Hospital: Accident and Emergency and On Purpose and Suffering Nicely.

"We've been so consolidated the last few years our logo is a mishmash of a bit of everything."

'True rupture is rare. Ladies' breasts are most commonly bursting simply with admiration for me and my skills.'

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

'I've decided to recall our latest drug because of one side effect - law suits.'

"It's little Pharma. Want some baby aspirin?"

"And he can make 347,000 home visits in one night!"

Health Foods

"His blood work doesn’t look half as bad as his HMO."

"My physician prescribed a customized formulation for me."

'Here's my DNA sequence.'

'Yours is an elective surgery, so we're still deciding if we feel like doing it or not.'

Still Stuck in Phase I of Meaningful Use...

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

"I'm glad you've been able to find new hires, but that's not what I meant when I said that we have a radiologist shortage to deal with."