Healthcare Industry Insider Gifts

"Never mind doctor, someone's bound to fall ill soon."

"As I suspected, there's nothing wrong with you. But I'd like to keep ordering tests till something turns up."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

'Brain surgery? I have an app for that!'

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?

"They used to call them G.P.s."

"I'm starting up a concierge medicine practice. You in?"

"If you keep perfectly still, I can do all five cavities at once."

'That was quick!'

Just Browsing.

"But Doctor - will the government pay for Ferris Buelleritis?"

"Instead of burying it, invest in pharmaceuticals."

'I'm sorry, but your surgery is considered to be experimental, so it's not covered by your insurance.'

"We at MEGAPHARMA are 100% behind the benefits of 'talking therapies' which is why we've developed MEGAZYMOLIN to enhance the experience..."

'Is there a doctor in the house we can trust?'

Hospital: Accident and Emergency and On Purpose and Suffering Nicely.

'True rupture is rare. Ladies' breasts are most commonly bursting simply with admiration for me and my skills.'

"We've been so consolidated the last few years our logo is a mishmash of a bit of everything."

'Sorry, we're shorthanded - please pass over the scalpel...'

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

'Isn't it neat? The doctors rigged it up so Don can still play golf!'

Health Foods

"And he can make 347,000 home visits in one night!"

"It's little Pharma. Want some baby aspirin?"

"His blood work doesn’t look half as bad as his HMO."

'I've decided to recall our latest drug because of one side effect - law suits.'

"My physician prescribed a customized formulation for me."

'Here's my DNA sequence.'

'Yours is an elective surgery, so we're still deciding if we feel like doing it or not.'

Still Stuck in Phase I of Meaningful Use...