Healthcare Stories Gifts

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

Being Serenading in Casualty

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

"It will be okay to hop when you go home but don't try to run."

Dr. Reynolds unsuccessfully combines night story time with EHR pajama time.

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

The Return of the Germ

"Ummm, hold up a second, old chum . . ."

'We don't have the answer, but we're really getting off on the attention.'

'A woman obsetrician! What do women know about that sort of thing?'

Hell's Angels

Valentino Rossi (the Doctor)

"When they said they were bringing in students I thought they meant MEDICAL students."

NHS Stabbing Ward

"I'm afraid the diagnosis isn't good."

World Health Organization

Childbirth and Covid 19

"I assure you I do appreciate what you're feeling."

"...and how about you, Wellington? Does this smell funny to you?"

"Well done Carson! This could be the answer to our bed shortage problems!"

Death in the red zone

"As I suspected, there's nothing wrong with you. But I'd like to keep ordering tests till something turns up."

"When you awake you will feel fine, you will have no pain, and... Oh, what the hell... you will cluck like a chicken for ten seconds."

"Our staff here at the practice believe in 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration, so I had these showers installed."

"Treat the disease, not the patient"

'75% of our resources are taken up dealing with the aged and infirm...and that's just the staff!'

"The most common adverse vaccine reaction after the first dose is trying to get the second dose."

"Code blue! Code blue! His heart's grown three times it's size!"

'I thought you were supposed to do no harm!'

Operating room. 3 days without an accident.

NHS application system: 'Let me in! I'm a Junior Doctor!'