Medical Stories Gifts

'Yes, I suppose I can learn to live with the pain in my foot. After all, I've been living with a pain in the neck for years!'

'He wants to know where the action is.'

'Apparently the owner of the donor hand was a renowed ladies man.'

'We couldn't save him, but we found out what made him tick.'

'You have a parasite, I'm afraid.'

'Tell Mildred about your near death experience!'

"It will be okay to hop when you go home but don't try to run."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Being Serenading in Casualty

'We don't have the answer, but we're really getting off on the attention.'

"FYI that the novocaine will numb the pain caused by the drill but won’t help with the pain caused by the overhead adult contemporary music."

Wards / Mortuary

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

Medical Curiosities

"When you awake you will feel fine, you will have no pain, and... Oh, what the hell... you will cluck like a chicken for ten seconds."

'It's great for reducing White Coat Hypertension.'

"I just can't sleep with this wrestler's leg syndrome."

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

'It appears you've arrived here because of some medical gobbledygook, so, to put it simply, you can now go home.'

A man in hospital is exposed to Covid-19

'Well, you're not a hypochondriac, you only THINK you're a hypochondriac!'

"...and then we'll clear the blockage by inserting a tiny balloon."

Geriatrics struggle with a personnel shortage.

'Nurse, that isn't a catheter you've just inserted. It's the other end of my hosepipe!'

"I believe I told you quite clearly not to let his stitches get wet."

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

'I had your court case moved up to tomorrow. I want you to look your best.'

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'

"He's one tough cookie. I've never seen anyone bounce back from an autopsy before."

'What possessed you to stick a fork into the toaster?' 'It's easy to be wise after the event!'

'I hope you find something that's worth complaining to my friends about.'

"Oh happy days are here again."

'Don't pay the doctor...'

"First the good news - I found my Rolex from your last operation."