Medical Stories Prints

"Code blue! Code blue! His heart's grown three times it's size!"

'Yes, I suppose I can learn to live with the pain in my foot. After all, I've been living with a pain in the neck for years!'

The results of your brain scan are in

'He wants to know where the action is.'

'Apparently the owner of the donor hand was a renowed ladies man.'

'We couldn't save him, but we found out what made him tick.'

'You have a parasite, I'm afraid.'

'Tell Mildred about your near death experience!'

"It will be okay to hop when you go home but don't try to run."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Being Serenading in Casualty

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

'We don't have the answer, but we're really getting off on the attention.'

Wards / Mortuary

"FYI that the novocaine will numb the pain caused by the drill but won’t help with the pain caused by the overhead adult contemporary music."

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

"When you awake you will feel fine, you will have no pain, and... Oh, what the hell... you will cluck like a chicken for ten seconds."

Medical Curiosities

'It's great for reducing White Coat Hypertension.'

"I just can't sleep with this wrestler's leg syndrome."

A man in hospital is exposed to Covid-19

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

'It appears you've arrived here because of some medical gobbledygook, so, to put it simply, you can now go home.'

'Well, you're not a hypochondriac, you only THINK you're a hypochondriac!'

"...and then we'll clear the blockage by inserting a tiny balloon."

Geriatrics struggle with a personnel shortage.

"The small neat scar was from the surgery. The long jagged scar is where I sneezed."

'Nurse, that isn't a catheter you've just inserted. It's the other end of my hosepipe!'

"I believe I told you quite clearly not to let his stitches get wet."

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'

'I had your court case moved up to tomorrow. I want you to look your best.'

'What possessed you to stick a fork into the toaster?' 'It's easy to be wise after the event!'

"He's one tough cookie. I've never seen anyone bounce back from an autopsy before."