Health News Gifts

'We don't have the answer, but we're really getting off on the attention.'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

2021

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

What the Doctor Ordered

Lactose Intolerant

'Well, well, well...'

"Your contents have shifted."

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."

Express Barber Chair for Chemo Patients

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'