Positive Health News Gifts

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

2021

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Squeezing the Free Press.

Self help acupuncture

They're Not Just That Into It

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

What the Doctor Ordered

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Trump pardons

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

Lactose Intolerant

'Well, well, well...'

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Your contents have shifted."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis