Receiving Good Medical News Gifts

"The most beautiful words in the English language: not "I love you", but "It's benign"."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"It will be okay to hop when you go home but don't try to run."

'We don't have the answer, but we're really getting off on the attention.'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

We have some good news and we have some very good news!

"It's over!"

'Which? Covid-19 Variant' Guide.

"Code blue! Code blue! His heart's grown three times it's size!"

'Yes, I suppose I can learn to live with the pain in my foot. After all, I've been living with a pain in the neck for years!'

'Stay tuned for a surprising new health study regarding...'

A man in hospital is exposed to Covid-19

"We find pizza softens the blow of bad news."

'I haven't read the health columns this morning. Is coffee out or in today?'

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

'You have a parasite, I'm afraid.'

'Oh, Ran-dee! Wakey-wakeys! You're doing a triple bypass on Mrs. Pacala at 8:30. Re-mem-ber? Out of bed, Mr. Lazy Bones!'

"The small neat scar was from the surgery. The long jagged scar is where I sneezed."

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

'Stocks rose on news that random acts of kindness today outnumbered random acts of violence.'

"Which do you want first, the good news that sounds better than it is or the bad news that seems worse than you expected?"

'I hope you find something that's worth complaining to my friends about.'

'Joe gives 'em the bad news, and I give 'em the good news, just like 'good cop - bad cop'!'

"It's an experimental drug...we're experimenting to see if your health care insurer pays for it."

Press reports suggest that caffeine could provide protection against a range of cancers.

'We couldn't save him, but we found out what made him tick.'

"What do I do? He refuses to sleep on his own."

'He wants to know where the action is.'

The results of your brain scan are in

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

'Apparently the owner of the donor hand was a renowed ladies man.'

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

'You're improving, but your health insurance is wasting away.'

'Powerful antioxidants that can promote good health, found in chocolate. Wait, this just in! Harmful saturated fats found in chocolate.'

Happy Man with Phone