Receiving Good News Gifts

Happy Man with Phone

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"Why bother?"

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Asking out a palm reader.

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

Pie Filling Reader

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

'You're going on a long journey. Have you got an OAP's bus pass?'

"It will be all your fault."