Positive Health News Prints

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

2021

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Squeezing the Free Press.

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

Trump pardons

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

What the Doctor Ordered

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

'Well, well, well...'

Lactose Intolerant

"Your contents have shifted."

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."