Healthcare Insider Chuckles Gifts

Day two at the ...Brain Transplant Institute

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

"I suppose it was bound to come to this."

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

"I've decided to go a different way for our new health plan."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

Medical Center.

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'