Medical Industry Insider Gifts

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

"It's an experimental drug...we're experimenting to see if your health care insurer pays for it."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

"Son, you're old enough now to learn about something we call 'compliance'...."

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

"My lawyer doesn't trust my agent who doesn't trust the director who doesn't trust the screenwriter who doesn't trust me. All perfectly normal."

'Your prescription is ready. How would you like to finance it?'

'The global economy supplies basic tools. A lot of us get the axe.'

'Well, Mr. Harris, I'm afraid you simply care too much. You have compassion fatigue.'

'The music business.'

"When I was young, music and lyrics were important! Now it's all about production...it's all jiggly butts, smoke, sexy clothes and crazy videos!"

"Great work on the annual report, John. It's fact-driven, yet delightfully unencumbered by reality!"

"Surprisingly, it's not in reverse order."

'I'm sorry, but your surgery is considered to be experimental, so it's not covered by your insurance.'

'We've decided to call off our go-slow.'

"You know how to whistle don't you Steve, you just put your lips together and blow. . . but I wouldn't recommend it."

'True rupture is rare. Ladies' breasts are most commonly bursting simply with admiration for me and my skills.'

"Manufacturing will take place in China, R&D in Korea, customer support will be run from Mumbai and logistics handled in Vietnam."

'I have to charge a lot for an office visit. How do you think I pay for MY health insurance?'

Health Foods

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

'I've decided to recall our latest drug because of one side effect - law suits.'

"You'll be out of here before you know it. Our auditor just went over your financial situation."

"And I suppost you've never had a friendly wager with a colleague?"

'Acme Meat - meat products, bi-products, and bi-product spinoffs...'

"It's little Pharma. Want some baby aspirin?"

"I guess the German takeover was successful."

'He only has six weeks to live, so make sure his bill is due at the end of the month.'

'Our trials show that the new drug performs no better than placebo.'