Medical Industry Insider T-Shirts

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

"It's an experimental drug...we're experimenting to see if your health care insurer pays for it."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Supermarket Merge

"Son, you're old enough now to learn about something we call 'compliance'...."

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

"My lawyer doesn't trust my agent who doesn't trust the director who doesn't trust the screenwriter who doesn't trust me. All perfectly normal."

'Your prescription is ready. How would you like to finance it?'

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?

'The global economy supplies basic tools. A lot of us get the axe.'

'Well, Mr. Harris, I'm afraid you simply care too much. You have compassion fatigue.'

'The music business.'

"Surprisingly, it's not in reverse order."

"You know how to whistle don't you Steve, you just put your lips together and blow. . . but I wouldn't recommend it."

"As I suspected, there's nothing wrong with you. But I'd like to keep ordering tests till something turns up."

'We've decided to call off our go-slow.'

"Great work on the annual report, John. It's fact-driven, yet delightfully unencumbered by reality!"

'I'm sorry, but your surgery is considered to be experimental, so it's not covered by your insurance.'

"When I was young, music and lyrics were important! Now it's all about production...it's all jiggly butts, smoke, sexy clothes and crazy videos!"

The Unbearableness of Being Inanimate

'True rupture is rare. Ladies' breasts are most commonly bursting simply with admiration for me and my skills.'

"Manufacturing will take place in China, R&D in Korea, customer support will be run from Mumbai and logistics handled in Vietnam."

'Acme Meat - meat products, bi-products, and bi-product spinoffs...'

'He only has six weeks to live, so make sure his bill is due at the end of the month.'

'I have to charge a lot for an office visit. How do you think I pay for MY health insurance?'

"You'll be out of here before you know it. Our auditor just went over your financial situation."

Health Foods

"And I suppost you've never had a friendly wager with a colleague?"

"I guess the German takeover was successful."

"It's little Pharma. Want some baby aspirin?"

'I've decided to recall our latest drug because of one side effect - law suits.'