Pharma Pundit Gifts

'Anxiety drugs are driving up big pharma stocks, thanks to global armed conflict!'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

Jasper Coot: 'Osama shoulda named me to the Supreme Court! I ain't no judge, so I'm qualified! Hell. I ann't even a damn lawyer! But Lord knows, I am judgemental!

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?

'I see the rebranded mobile methadone project got underway.'

"Good news - we're merging with Pinetree Pharma. They make the cures for all the harm our drugs do."

Prescription Drugs '96.

'Human clinical trials start in six months. Sooner if we run out of mice.'

'The problem is that you're overmedicated. Luckily there are drugs that can help with that.'

"In order to get through this, I've had to find an inner strength that I never knew I had in the medicine cabinet."

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

'I had a taste of my own medicine yesterday - Yuck!'

Old soldiers never die. They just become TV pundits.

"Thank you all for coming to this small enclosed space to discuss a deadly and highly communicable disease."

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

"It's the same experimental drug but now it's in a cupcake."

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

'This mindless blather is edited for TV.'

'Over the years our company has acquired a face of its own.'

"If the medication we're giving you has side effects then we have some pills that may help."

'I've decided to recall our latest drug because of one side effect - law suits.'

'Good thing your car was stationary when it hit me.'

'Terrific commercial. I'm sold. You'll start on that medicine immediately.'

"You probably already know this disease from the walkathon of the same name."

Global Medical Antidepressant Sales

R. Dough, M.D. - Eye, Ear, Nose, Throat & Big Pharma Stock.

'Your glaucoma will never improve this way, Buzzy.'

"Doctors said that although the approach is still experimental, it may prove an effective weapon in the fight against health-care reform."

'Pharmaceutical update: 'They got me producing antibiotics for cattle.' - 'That figures - I'm producing them for sheep.'

'I think your doctor gave you the wrong note, Sir. We don't have any bread and milk.'