Pharma Critic Gifts

'Human clinical trials start in six months. Sooner if we run out of mice.'

'We decided to recall our new drug because a common side-effect is lawsuits.'

'Your disease is so rare, there hasn't even been a TV drug ad for it yet.'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

'The problem is that you're overmedicated. Luckily there are drugs that can help with that.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

"Doctors said that although the approach is still experimental, it may prove an effective weapon in the fight against health-care reform."

"He has visions of world peace,he thinks he hears angels speak too him...he's dangerous, bring me the drugs!"

"It's the same experimental drug but now it's in a cupcake."

"We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of 'physical and artistic' therapies which is why we've developed 'megazylomol' to enhance the experience!"

The Goodmood Blimp

'If the FDA tested and approved it, then maybe you better not take it.'

A boy lies on his bed surrounded by posters advertising performance enhancing drugs.

"Good news - we're merging with Pinetree Pharma. They make the cures for all the harm our drugs do."

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

Prescription Drugs '96.

Pill for that,

T-Shorts: 'The ad said: 'Ask your doctor!' I did, and he said it was crapola!'

Cost of research and vaccines

Global Medical Antidepressant Sales

"I'm not writing a prescription at this time, but as a consolation prize, take some free drug samples."

"Portnoy, your job is to come up with a disease this expensive drug will cure."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"At this point, we know it's addictive."

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

Profits for Big Pharma

'I see the rebranded mobile methadone project got underway.'

"In order to get through this, I've had to find an inner strength that I never knew I had in the medicine cabinet."

'Generics of generics - that's the way we'll go.'

"It's supposed to be some kind of aphrodisiac, but it hasn't done jack for me."