Pharmaceutical Industry Critic Gifts

'These adverts are designed to give people headaches.'

'If the drug has that any side effects, let's market it as a biological weapon.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

The FDA studies 'Tobacco'.

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"At this point, we know it's addictive."

We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of spiritual and artistic therapies which is why we've developed 'megazymol' to enhance the experience!

"You know it's the American drug companies that give you the headache that is cured by the pills they sell you."

Prescription Drugs '96.

'I see the rebranded mobile methadone project got underway.'

"Good news - we're merging with Pinetree Pharma. They make the cures for all the harm our drugs do."

Profits for Big Pharma

'Human clinical trials start in six months. Sooner if we run out of mice.'

'The problem is that you're overmedicated. Luckily there are drugs that can help with that.'

Calm down...this is for your own good.

'In the modern world manufacturing takes place in China. Most R&D is one in South Korea and support and logistics is based in India.'

'Generics of generics - that's the way we'll go.'

"Do we wait for it to be approved as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as furniture polish?"

"It's supposed to be some kind of aphrodisiac, but it hasn't done jack for me."

Big oil.

"You may believe you've been overcharged, but, remember, you're overmedicated."

"Do a double-blind test. Give the new drug to rich patients and a placebo to the poor. No sense getting their hopes up. They couldn't afford it even if it works."

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

"Well, certainly his claim seems justified , but if we paid off every justified claim what kind of insurance company would we be?"

"It's the same experimental drug but now it's in a cupcake."

'Terrific commercial. I'm sold. You'll start on that medicine immediately.'

'He steals from the drug companies and gives to the elderly!'

"It's little Pharma. Want some baby aspirin?"