Pharma Industry Critic Gifts

The pharmaceutical industry

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

The FDA studies 'Tobacco'.

Funny, this is the same pill the head of the price-gouging drug company needs to take so he can sleep at night, too. Pharmac …

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"At this point, we know it's addictive."

"Good news - we're merging with Pinetree Pharma. They make the cures for all the harm our drugs do."

Profits for Big Pharma

Prescription Drugs '96.

'Human clinical trials start in six months. Sooner if we run out of mice.'

'The problem is that you're overmedicated. Luckily there are drugs that can help with that.'

'In the modern world manufacturing takes place in China. Most R&D is one in South Korea and support and logistics is based in India.'

"Do we wait for it to be approved as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as furniture polish?"

'Generics of generics - that's the way we'll go.'

"It's supposed to be some kind of aphrodisiac, but it hasn't done jack for me."

Big oil.

"You may believe you've been overcharged, but, remember, you're overmedicated."

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

"Well, certainly his claim seems justified , but if we paid off every justified claim what kind of insurance company would we be?"

"It's the same experimental drug but now it's in a cupcake."

"It's little Pharma. Want some baby aspirin?"

'And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?'

"Yes, healthcare costs too much in the U.S., but overmedicating patients is expensive."

'Anxiety drugs are driving up big pharma stocks, thanks to global armed conflict!'

"This will buy you four months.

"Fortunately treatment will be relatively inexpensive since you have the generic form of the disease!"

"Try to find something that works like aspirin but costs much more."

"Publicly, we're still saying there are no side effects."

"Make him take 15 of these a day until we feel better about what we're doing to him!"