Pharmaceutical Critics Gifts

Most common side effects...

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"At this point, we know it's addictive."

We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of spiritual and artistic therapies which is why we've developed 'megazymol' to enhance the experience!

"You know it's the American drug companies that give you the headache that is cured by the pills they sell you."

Prescription Drugs '96.

"Good news - we're merging with Pinetree Pharma. They make the cures for all the harm our drugs do."

Profits for Big Pharma

'Human clinical trials start in six months. Sooner if we run out of mice.'

'The problem is that you're overmedicated. Luckily there are drugs that can help with that.'

Calm down...this is for your own good.

'Generics of generics - that's the way we'll go.'

"It's supposed to be some kind of aphrodisiac, but it hasn't done jack for me."

'I like this new alcohol labelling.'

"You may believe you've been overcharged, but, remember, you're overmedicated."

"Do a double-blind test. Give the new drug to rich patients and a placebo to the poor. No sense getting their hopes up. They couldn't afford it even if it works."

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

"It's the same experimental drug but now it's in a cupcake."

'And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?'

'He steals from the drug companies and gives to the elderly!'

"Yes, healthcare costs too much in the U.S., but overmedicating patients is expensive."

"This will buy you four months.

"Fortunately treatment will be relatively inexpensive since you have the generic form of the disease!"

'Four out of five websites disagree with your diagnosis.'

"Try to find something that works like aspirin but costs much more."

"Publicly, we're still saying there are no side effects."

"Make him take 15 of these a day until we feel better about what we're doing to him!"