Medical Industry Critic Gifts

"These medicines all taste pretty good - let's approve them."

"Our integrated approach to medicine skillfully combines an array of holistic alternative treatments with a sophisticated computerized billing service."

'You can go home now. We've run out of tests.'

'Your HMO has approved your surgery, but they want you to see the photos of two people they had to lay off as a result.'

"They just can't cure the common cold...thank God!"

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'

'The NHS is committed to patients having control over their care...So if you'd like to check your symptoms online I'll be back later for a diagnosis and careplan.'

'You may have an adverse reaction when I administer this. It's your medical bill.'

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

Have you drugged your child today?

Republican Healthcare

Surgical Self-Service

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

'Your prescription is ready. How would you like to finance it?'

Government looks for new targets over GPs pay

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'Well, Mr. Harris, I'm afraid you simply care too much. You have compassion fatigue.'