Label Decoder Gifts

"People are always whining about food labelling, but there's NOTHING that ANYONE with a reasonable chemistry degree and maybe a PhD in pharmacology wouldn't with a little effort, be able to understand....At least a little."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"We're going to the park to size up the competition."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

DIY horror.

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

'Physical or Social Science?'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

Information vs. confusion

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"Since you're always asking, here's a list of my various kinds of sighs, with explanation of what each one means."

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

Processed foods, unprocessed foods.

"By the time I've read all the nutrition and ingredients information I've lost my appetite!"

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'

'On the paupiettes de boeuf a la hongroise, which part is the hongroise?'

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

'It's this one here, that I don't understand.'

Animal Crackers. What a mess! I have to check them all. The box says "Do not eat if seal broken" --- Does this look like a seal to you?

"Bob, let's meet everyone. Amy is Director of Thought Innovation Solutions, Marcus is head of Transformative Mindset Empowerment, Terry's in charge of Scalable Competency Integration, and Gail is VP of Agile Enterprise Strategy. None of us knows what we do, Bob."

"People...do you FINALLY understand the concept of 'Visual Narrative?'"

'This new position in our company will move me further from ampersand.'

'Is this a Greek restaurant?'

Lack of Nutrition Information

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

"This stuff comes with a prize! If you can pronounce all the ingredients, you get an honorary degree in chemistry."

"i'm trying to remember the type of California white wine but I like, but my mind keeps drawing a blanc."

'This soup must be loaded with additives. The label says that 'frequent use of this product requires periodic liver function tests'.'