Label Decoder T-Shirts

"People are always whining about food labelling, but there's NOTHING that ANYONE with a reasonable chemistry degree and maybe a PhD in pharmacology wouldn't with a little effort, be able to understand....At least a little."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"We're going to the park to size up the competition."

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

DIY horror.

'Physical or Social Science?'

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

Information vs. confusion

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"Since you're always asking, here's a list of my various kinds of sighs, with explanation of what each one means."

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

Processed foods, unprocessed foods.

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

"By the time I've read all the nutrition and ingredients information I've lost my appetite!"

'On the paupiettes de boeuf a la hongroise, which part is the hongroise?'

'It's this one here, that I don't understand.'

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"Bob, let's meet everyone. Amy is Director of Thought Innovation Solutions, Marcus is head of Transformative Mindset Empowerment, Terry's in charge of Scalable Competency Integration, and Gail is VP of Agile Enterprise Strategy. None of us knows what we do, Bob."

"People...do you FINALLY understand the concept of 'Visual Narrative?'"

'Is this a Greek restaurant?'

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

'This new position in our company will move me further from ampersand.'

Lack of Nutrition Information

"This stuff comes with a prize! If you can pronounce all the ingredients, you get an honorary degree in chemistry."

"i'm trying to remember the type of California white wine but I like, but my mind keeps drawing a blanc."

'What were you saying a minute ago, about not being able to judge a wine by its label?'

'This soup must be loaded with additives. The label says that 'frequent use of this product requires periodic liver function tests'.'