Label Detective Gifts

"Nothing's labeled. How are we supposed to know which fruit has been genetically engineered?"

Processed foods, unprocessed foods.

"Artificial coloring, artificial flavoring, artificial glop, artificial slop, artificial this, artificial that..."

Confusion of ingredient labels in grocery store.

Deceptive Vegan Lasagna: Gluten-free pasta, Ricotta cheese substitute, Tomato-free tomato sauce, Leftovers, Pork, chicken, dairy and lots of gluten, Files from '05

'Out test show that your haddock is really flounder, your flounder is cod, your cod is tilapia, and your tilapia is chicken.'

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

'Do you remember when food had food in it?'

Man reading dog food can: Contains beef and beef by-products.

"This stuff comes with a prize! If you can pronounce all the ingredients, you get an honorary degree in chemistry."

'I've never seen a Surgeon General's warning on water before.'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'What were you saying a minute ago, about not being able to judge a wine by its label?'

'It concludes with 'Don't bother to ask. You'll never find out what some of these ingredients do.' '

Sugar - No Added Sugar.

'This soup must be loaded with additives. The label says that 'frequent use of this product requires periodic liver function tests'.'

Health food and junk food

Market. It contains eight ounces of guilt and only four ounces of pleasure.

Food Formerly Sold As Milk/Food Formerly Made with Sugar/Food Formerly Known as Meat/Food Former Fried.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Let's get organized

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"By labeling it, I control it."

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

". . . but he's almost four and he hasn't been labelled yet!"

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

'For my latest line, I bought clothes at Target and then changed the label,'

Food manufacturing industry in a soup.

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

Fiction. Mystery. History.

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Psst, buddy -- Apocrypha!'

Locking Up Crime

"Honey, check it out — giant porcupine tracks."