Label Inspector Gifts

"Do you remember when food had food in it?"

Worry tank

All Natural Nothing

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

CATCHY NAME

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

'Bad news, fellas... it's inventory time.'

Processed foods, unprocessed foods.

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

"By the time I've read all the nutrition and ingredients information I've lost my appetite!"

Animal Crackers. What a mess! I have to check them all. The box says "Do not eat if seal broken" --- Does this look like a seal to you?

"Who can I see about an investigation of no-show jobs?"

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

Lack of Nutrition Information

"This is wonderful - a completely dust-free lab. What do you study here?"

'This snack is vegan. It's 100% artificial ingredients.'

Truth in Labeling: 'Snouts, lips, jowls, cheeks and viscera enclosed in intestine and served on a bun, Mustard optional.'

Carcinogenic/Non-carcinogenic.

"Apparently, some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but others cure it."

'You have to send in $5 for a decoder ring to decipher the list of ingredients.'

Health food and junk food

Roseanne4

'This soup must be loaded with additives. The label says that 'frequent use of this product requires periodic liver function tests'.'

'Yes, it's full of chemicals.'

"This stuff comes with a prize! If you can pronounce all the ingredients, you get an honorary degree in chemistry."

'You want to insure it? --Just exactly what are you implying, buster?'

'What were you saying a minute ago, about not being able to judge a wine by its label?'

'She read the ingredients listed on the label.'

"Looks like they've simplified the nutritional information."

"Artificial coloring, artificial flavoring, artificial glop, artificial slop, artificial this, artificial that..."

'Do you remember when food had food in it?'