Food Label Scrutinizer Gifts

'Apparently it's not suitable for the elderly or children...'

'I knew there was a catch! Only fifty calories per serving but one small box contains eight serviings.'

'I removed the sugar, artificial flavors, coloring, preservatives, and additives. Now the eight ounce box weighs four ounces.'

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

CATCHY NAME

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"I changed my mind - I don't want any shredded cheese on my salad."

"Dad, did you know Tia Carmen got a job at my school cafeteria?"

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

'Use by June 2007. Gah' - 'Use by July 2007. Double gah.' - 'Best of a bad bunch...'

"We can serve a rare handburger, but because of health regulations, this room will have to be heated to 160 degrees."

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

"It's a cucumber mousse with a mushroom roam, but at least your bill will be substantial."

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

Chef swatting flies into a bowl in a sushi bar.

'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.'

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"It says it's 100% ground beef. Only bones, brains, butts and eyeballs. Absolutely no pink slime added..."

'Why on Earth would you ask if this turkey is genetically modified?'

"By the time I've read all the nutrition and ingredients information I've lost my appetite!"

Animal Crackers. What a mess! I have to check them all. The box says "Do not eat if seal broken" --- Does this look like a seal to you?

Food Uncertainty

The food inspector

'The food inspector, Sir!'

'What did you find in your soup?'

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"