Food Label Scrutinizer Pillows

'Apparently it's not suitable for the elderly or children...'

'I knew there was a catch! Only fifty calories per serving but one small box contains eight serviings.'

'I removed the sugar, artificial flavors, coloring, preservatives, and additives. Now the eight ounce box weighs four ounces.'

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

CATCHY NAME

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

"Dad, did you know Tia Carmen got a job at my school cafeteria?"

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"It's a cucumber mousse with a mushroom roam, but at least your bill will be substantial."

'Use by June 2007. Gah' - 'Use by July 2007. Double gah.' - 'Best of a bad bunch...'

"We can serve a rare handburger, but because of health regulations, this room will have to be heated to 160 degrees."

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"It says it's 100% ground beef. Only bones, brains, butts and eyeballs. Absolutely no pink slime added..."

'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.'

Chef swatting flies into a bowl in a sushi bar.

'Why on Earth would you ask if this turkey is genetically modified?'

"By the time I've read all the nutrition and ingredients information I've lost my appetite!"

'What did you find in your soup?'

The food inspector

'The food inspector, Sir!'

"Freeze! We're taking a look at your additives, preservatives, artificial coloring..."

Food Uncertainty

A woman sits in an office of the Food and Drug Administration in - out boxes marked MMMM Good and Oh - Bad.

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.