Curtain Connoisseur Gifts

'That's the material I want for our new lounge curtains.'

'Oooh the Timpsons have got new blinds.' (Blinds read 'Sod off you nosy cow).

"I'm ordering curtains for our neighbor, the Retirement Home for Lawyers Without Briefs."

Installing window treatments is a bit like being on a Broadway stage. I always get a thrill when the curtain goes up!

'Scratching these curtains will be the greatest performance of my life.'

Barcode Curtains

Window Treatments - Glass Curtain

'The evening was enjoyable until the curtain went up...'

"I know a curtain guy."

"This time it's curtains for you, Black Bart!"

Curtains haberdashery

A Box at the Opera

"I see she's got those curtains up again. . ."

"And I'm telling you the curtains always looked like that."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

Mr. Punch's Fancy Ball

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

'At least we look cool. Especially with the wind chill factor.'

bird interprets modern art

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

I don't think I'm letting sunlight in when I open the curtains. I think the darkness is going out.

"Then, after college, I joined the navy. Wait, I think I hear him coming."

'Anorak anoraks'.

Binge Watch

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

Bee costume

"C'mon, you can do this! Be the sock!"

"Goal!"

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

"You're not a real fan. You're just dressed up like a slut for attention."