Cloth Connoisseur Gifts

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'At least we look cool. Especially with the wind chill factor.'

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'Anorak anoraks'.

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

Curtains haberdashery

"I hope he's wearing pants."

'That stuff kills 98% of household germs, but leaves the remaining 2% limping around enough to maintain your resistance.'

"If Marcus Aurelius himself were standing here today, I'm sure he would agree this suit reflects perfectly your stoic sensibilities."

'There are two color schemes: dark ones that attract light dirt, and light ones that attract dark dirt.'

"My mom got it on. She said you'd get it off."

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

'Look! It's Trendy Vineyards' Merlot Window Cleaner! Streak-free cleaning, because it's 50 proof!'

A tailor measuring a jacket.

Mangle

'Hoo boy, yes! B-o-o-o-ring!!'

'How does this one feel?'

'This closet needs digitized.'

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

F&E Designs. My reversible jacket didn't turn out very well.

Young man standing with hands in pockets because it is the fashion at his college

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

Collapse of 'Corner Men'

"This time it's curtains for you, Black Bart!"

A Woman's Conquests.

'And don't shrink it in a hot wash.'

'That's the material I want for our new lounge curtains.'

'And this is the walk-in clos..' - 'We'll take it!!'

The old colonel wished he was in the land of cotton.

Laundromat: Bulletin Board - Have you seen this sock?