Cloth Connoisseur Gifts

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'At least we look cool. Especially with the wind chill factor.'

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'Anorak anoraks'.

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

Curtains haberdashery

"I hope he's wearing pants."

'That stuff kills 98% of household germs, but leaves the remaining 2% limping around enough to maintain your resistance.'

'There are two color schemes: dark ones that attract light dirt, and light ones that attract dark dirt.'

"My mom got it on. She said you'd get it off."

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

'Look! It's Trendy Vineyards' Merlot Window Cleaner! Streak-free cleaning, because it's 50 proof!'

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

A tailor measuring a jacket.

Mangle

'How does this one feel?'

'Hoo boy, yes! B-o-o-o-ring!!'

"This time it's curtains for you, Black Bart!"

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

A Woman's Conquests.

'This closet needs digitized.'

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

'And don't shrink it in a hot wash.'

Collapse of 'Corner Men'

Young man standing with hands in pockets because it is the fashion at his college

'And this is the walk-in clos..' - 'We'll take it!!'

'That's the material I want for our new lounge curtains.'

The old colonel wished he was in the land of cotton.

Laundromat: Bulletin Board - Have you seen this sock?

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'