Cloth Connoisseurs Gifts

Muslin Fundamentalists.

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'At least we look cool. Especially with the wind chill factor.'

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'Anorak anoraks'.

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"That shirt is so last year."

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

"I hope he's wearing pants."

Curtains haberdashery

"If Marcus Aurelius himself were standing here today, I'm sure he would agree this suit reflects perfectly your stoic sensibilities."

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

"My mom got it on. She said you'd get it off."

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

'Sure, have some wool to keep your eggs nice and warm...'

A tailor measuring a jacket.

'Hoo boy, yes! B-o-o-o-ring!!'

'How does this one feel?'

F&E Designs. My reversible jacket didn't turn out very well.

'And don't shrink it in a hot wash.'

Sheep with its wool unwinding because it's snagged on a tree

Collapse of 'Corner Men'

Young man standing with hands in pockets because it is the fashion at his college

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

'Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can't even get into my own pants.'

"This time it's curtains for you, Black Bart!"

'That's the material I want for our new lounge curtains.'

'I guess it's true what they say: spirits just don't mix'

The old colonel wished he was in the land of cotton.

'I've got a question. If your answer is 'Yes', I'll hate you. If your answer is 'No', I'll hate you, too. The question is, do you think I need a new dress because I'm looking fat in this one?'

"It depends on what attitude you wish to convey. This, for example, is part of our 'contempt' line."