Curtain Enthusiast Gifts

'The patient in the next bed is highly infectious. Thank God for these curtains.'

'At least he's making an effort to match the curtains.'

I don't think I'm letting sunlight in when I open the curtains. I think the darkness is going out.

'Mummy, can you please pull the curtain and make it dark please? I'm scared of the light...'

Planet of the drapes

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

"Then, after college, I joined the navy. Wait, I think I hear him coming."

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"That shirt is so last year."

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

Posh Easter Egg

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

Curtains haberdashery

King Madras

"Dave, we need to talk about office props and work productivity."

David wasn't sure about the idea of having denim curtains.

'Yes,I did bag him from a treestand.How did you guess?'

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

Waiting Room For Godot.

"You've done an absolutely fabulous job with the house, Anne, and Gordon's so improved!"

John Woodvine

Man who has called of his engagement because his fiancée did not match his furniture.

"We need to talk."

"Is there a dramaturge in the house?"

"Would our big tacky objects look good here?"

'The old one fell apart.'

'I don't know much about art, but I know what I like.'

"This time it's curtains for you, Black Bart!"

F&E Designs. My reversible jacket didn't turn out very well.

"I've been researching a little furniture company that I'd like to rearrange."

'Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can't even get into my own pants.'