Curtain Enthusiast Gifts

'The patient in the next bed is highly infectious. Thank God for these curtains.'

'At least he's making an effort to match the curtains.'

'Mummy, can you please pull the curtain and make it dark please? I'm scared of the light...'

Planet of the drapes

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"Then, after college, I joined the navy. Wait, I think I hear him coming."

"That shirt is so last year."

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

Posh Easter Egg

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

King Madras

David wasn't sure about the idea of having denim curtains.

Curtains haberdashery

"Dave, we need to talk about office props and work productivity."

'Yes,I did bag him from a treestand.How did you guess?'

Waiting Room For Godot.

"You've done an absolutely fabulous job with the house, Anne, and Gordon's so improved!"

Man who has called of his engagement because his fiancée did not match his furniture.

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

"Is there a dramaturge in the house?"

"We need to talk."

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

"Would our big tacky objects look good here?"

'The old one fell apart.'

"This time it's curtains for you, Black Bart!"

"Norman, let's lend out the Olmec head."

'Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can't even get into my own pants.'

'I don't know much about art, but I know what I like.'

"I've been researching a little furniture company that I'd like to rearrange."

'Edwin, I hop you'll come home in a good mood. The decorators hung the new wallpaper today.'

"I love fruit."