Bedding Connoisseur Gifts

"Sheets and pillowcases, Franz, we're selling sheets and pillowcases!. . ."

"Don't wait for him—it's not our fault that idiot chose a weighted blanket."

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

When laundry ruled the waves.

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

Beat Fatigue - Stay in Bed.

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

"I hope he's wearing pants."

Curtains haberdashery

Woman crushed under satin sheets.

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

'We'll take it!'

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

A tailor measuring a jacket.

'Hoo boy, yes! B-o-o-o-ring!!'

Collapse of 'Corner Men'

Wine Lovers

"Decide who you are, Wanona, before you buy sheets."

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

"This time it's curtains for you, Black Bart!"

'And don't shrink it in a hot wash.'

Young man standing with hands in pockets because it is the fashion at his college

'That's the material I want for our new lounge curtains.'

'I've got a question. If your answer is 'Yes', I'll hate you. If your answer is 'No', I'll hate you, too. The question is, do you think I need a new dress because I'm looking fat in this one?'

"We are looking for the non-yucky apparel."

"It depends on what attitude you wish to convey. This, for example, is part of our 'contempt' line."

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."

'Scratching these curtains will be the greatest performance of my life.'

I'm sorry, they don't make dresses large on the inside and small on the outside!