Bedding Connoisseur T-Shirts

"Sheets and pillowcases, Franz, we're selling sheets and pillowcases!. . ."

"Don't wait for him—it's not our fault that idiot chose a weighted blanket."

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

When laundry ruled the waves.

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

Beat Fatigue - Stay in Bed.

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

"I hope he's wearing pants."

Curtains haberdashery

Woman crushed under satin sheets.

"If Marcus Aurelius himself were standing here today, I'm sure he would agree this suit reflects perfectly your stoic sensibilities."

'We'll take it!'

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

A tailor measuring a jacket.

'Hoo boy, yes! B-o-o-o-ring!!'

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

Wine Lovers

"Decide who you are, Wanona, before you buy sheets."

"This time it's curtains for you, Black Bart!"

Young man standing with hands in pockets because it is the fashion at his college

'And don't shrink it in a hot wash.'

Collapse of 'Corner Men'

'That's the material I want for our new lounge curtains.'

'Scratching these curtains will be the greatest performance of my life.'

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

"It depends on what attitude you wish to convey. This, for example, is part of our 'contempt' line."